The Blame Game and Why We Play It

The core message for self-help and personal development is for people to step up and take responsibility for their own lives.

Why do many people find this challenging? It's because blaming others has been programmed into us by our family and by society. However in the Bible (John 8:7) it says 'Let the person who is without sin cast the first stone', This means that nobody is blameless and therefore it is not qualified to blame others. We need to understand the factors that contribute to people blaming other so as to stop this behaviour

Here are five reasons why people are being led to believe that they don't have to be responsible or accountable for their actions.

1. It starts in childhood.

When parents tell kids what they should and shouldn't do. It seems that people are losing the ability to make decisions because decisions are made for them.

The "why, because I said so" attitude prevents learning of consequences at an internal level. It teaches people to do or don't do things based on what they are told, not on what they think is suitable.

This can occur in workplaces with a dependent culture - you just do what you are told to do, without any explanation, without understanding why.

The "Why" is critical to learning - when you know why you should your shouldn't do things, you are then able to make a sound decision for yourself.

2. Rules and Laws 

Every time an incident happens it promotes a reason to bring in a new rule or regulation to prevent it happening again. Why can't we just learn the lesson and create guidelines so an individual can make a sound decision next time the problem is encountered?!

Rules and regulations place responsibility outside of personal control. Rules can place people in a false sense of security, thinking that the rules will protect them. This makes them less alert for the dangers around them.

3. Lawyers/litigation 

Thanks to the legal system, more and more responsibility is being taken away from the individual. It's too easy to blame someone else for an incident and profit from it. Yes, there may be many contributing factors resulting in an incident, but everyone needs to look within and see how they might have prevented being hurt. Until they do, they have lost the personal power to be in charge of their own life.

4. Someone's to Blame 

Society seems to promote 'blame' and the idea that someone's got to pay! Who has heard ‘where there’s blame there’s a claim’?

Isn't it better to consider how we contributed to an incident occurring and learn from it in order to prevent it happening again?

If the same type of problems keep surfacing in your life, the common denominator is you. Think about it!

5. Ego 

Perhaps it all comes down to this. People don't want to admit they made a mistake. They are embarrassed. It comes from early programming where mistakes were associated with being 'bad', and no-one wants to be 'bad'!

This leads to people passing blame, and then people becoming defensive, arguments arise and we have lost touch with the fact that people do make mistakes. The biggest mistake is not learning from them and making a mistake over and over again because of this.

People need to be okay with making mistakes and admitting to them. This requires cooperation from everyone, providing a safe environment where admitting mistakes is encouraged so as to rectify the mistakes.

And remember, Mayfair Cares.