Hint: it is more than a hashtag

If you happen to spend way too much time on Instagram (not a great idea), you are probably familiar with the trend of “self-love” or “self-care” posts – usually by absurdly attractive 20-somethings sitting in a bubble bath or climbing a scenic vista, followed by the caption, “Just had to get away for a while to take care of myself. #selflove #gratitude #blessed”

Meanwhile, their poor friend or partner probably spent three hours taking pictures of them in thirteen poses trying to make it look as natural as possible.

The message of self-love often gets distorted on social media because it is frequently reduced to surface level expressions – like affirmations, luxury purchases, or curated photos; rather than the deeper, often uncomfortable work that it actually requires.

Self-love is not necessarily is a spa treat or expensive vacation. Self-love is when you optimise your decisions based on your long-term mental and physical health.

In reality, true self love involves some tough, unglamorous actions such as:

1. Setting boundaries – saying no to toxic relationships or situations, even when it is painful or inconvenient.

2. Forgiving yourself – letting go of past regrets and guilt, which often requires some deeper emotional work.

3. Facing uncomfortable truths – Recognising when your self talk is harmful or when your actions do not align with your values.

4. Doing the hard things – pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, maintain discipline for your mental and physical health and creating small healthy habits, without needing likes or approval from others.

5. Accountability – it is tough to acknowledge our personal flaws and mistakes. It is often so much easier to blame other people. However, in doing so we miss out on some crucial opportunities for growth. Failure is often our best teacher, and mistakes are necessary for innovation and growth. If we learn to take responsibility and ask ourselves, “what did this experience teach me?” or “given the information I now have, how will this serve me better in the future?” we allow ourselves the opportunity to reflect and grow from the lessons learnt.