What is a real apology?


An apology is a gesture that means you take responsibility for something you did, but do we always apologise and mean it?


They say that “love means never having to say that you are sorry “. Well we all know that isn’t true!


In fact, apologising is a way to get a get to a better place in a relationship and when we apologise it should come from the heart and be unconditional. Do you always say sorry as though you mean it?

Do you sometimes say sorry but don’t hold yourself accountable?

If you were in the wrong but you don’t hold yourself accountable, then this isn’t really an apology. You need to acknowledge that you understand why your actions or words were wrong and upsetting. 

Do you sometimes say sorry, then make an excuse to justify your actions?

“Sorry but I am under pressure due to deadlines at work” or some equally lame excuse undermines the sincerity of your apology and, once again, indicates that you’re not taking full responsibility for your actions. 

Do you sometimes so sorry but blame the other person?

 “Sorry but if you hadn’t done XXX, I wouldn’t have done YYY” is not a good approach! Once again you are ruining an apology by saying to someone that it was their action rather than your reaction that caused the problem. Please think twice before doing this because this can actually make a bad situation even worse.

Do you sometimes say sorry if?

“If I hurt you then I’m sorry”. This grudging apology completely wipes out any positive effect your apology may intend because you are introducing an element of uncertainty into the situation and although you may think you are being sincere, it will not come over that way.

Best practice.

Own the situation and make the apology heartfelt and unconditional. If you have done something wrong, then it’s up to you to put it right and a genuine apology as a good place to start, but don’t make the apology conditional upon outside influences.


Good luck!


Mayfair, we care.