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Be Kind to Your Mind: The Magic of Self-Compassion

18. November 2024 Mayfair (0)

We all know the mean inner voice that runs commentary on our daily activities. “You don’t know what you’re doing”. “Just get on with it!” “No one else is finding this hard”. We are far more unkind to ourselves than we ever would be to a friend or colleague.

Criticising yourself when you are finding things difficult makes it harder to solve problems or get yourself out of a messy situation. Your stress levels go up, your ability to think creatively goes down. You can get stuck in a cycle of struggle. There is a growing body of evidence that one highly effective way to shift this struggle is through self-compassion.

Dr Kristen Neff, one of the world’s leading experts on self-compassion has this insight: “Self-compassion is the ability to notice our own suffering and to be moved by it, making us want to actively do something to alleviate our own suffering.”


Self-compassion has three parts:

1. Mindfulness. Notice your experience or your thoughts without judgement: ‘I’m having a hard time with this’.

2. Self-kindness. Treat yourself as you would a friend.

3. Common humanity rather than isolation. Embrace imperfection as part of the human experience and understand that your suffering is shared by others.

Self-compassion is not self-pity, or selfish. It would not make you stop ‘trying’. It does, however, allow you to respond kindly to yourself in moments of difficulty. Self-compassion increases your ability to meet challenges and has been shown to increase physical and mental wellbeing, create a sense of safety in the workplace, and increase your sense of purpose and meaning.

Think of switching from an inner critic to a coach and see how it helps you rise to the challenge rather than becoming paralysed by self-doubt.

Self-compassion is simple to learn. One of the best things about it is that you can access it in the moment; you do not have to set aside time each day to ‘work at it’. There are several steps to increase your access to self-compassion.

1. Physical touch.

This might be as simple as placing your hand on your opposite forearm in a signal of care. Feel the warmth of your hand. You could bring your right hand to your heart. Gentle touch coupled with a mindful statement ‘wow, this is tough’ can have a powerful calming effect.

2. Get to know your emotions.

Often, we are not that great at knowing how we feel. Start to explore the language of feelings. Instead of stopping at ‘I’m angry’, see if you can sense what might be underlying that. Maybe you are frustrated or embarrassed or even sad. Growing your self-awareness is an important skill.

3. Practise mindfulness.

Check in on your inner experience. Note your thoughts without judging them or yourself.

Dr Mark Leary, professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University concludes, “Just about every measure of psychological well-being we have seems to be associated with self-compassion.” You cannot argue with science!

 

Dr Tra Brach, psychologist and mediation teacher, shares an easy to remember tool for mindfulness and compassion: RAIN

Recognise what is happening

Allow the experience to be there, just as it is

Investigate with interest and care

Nurture with self-compassion

This can help you move from feeling stuck to a state of feeling safe and secure.

What Can’t I Put In My Recycle Bin?

11. November 2024 Mayfair (0)

Most if us love to recycle, but many of us ‘wish cycle’, that is we think something should be recycled so put it in our kerbside bin anyway, says Planet Ark. Although well intentioned, this behaviour causes contamination.


When a nonrecyclable is mixed in with recyclable items, it affects the recycler’s ability to recycle any of the batch, leading to more materials going to landfill. If in doubt, leave it out of your recycling bin.

These items do not belong in the recycling bin, says Planet Ark, but are frequently found there. This does not mean some of them cannot be recycled elsewhere, just not in the kerbside bin:

  • soft plastics (like bread bags and bubble wrap)
  • food waste
  • food containers with food in them
  • crockery
  • nappies
  • clothes/fabric
  • polystyrene
  • CDs/DVDs/videos
  • window/drink glass
  • batteries
  • mobile phones
  • paper towels

And do not put your recyclables into a plastic bag. They cannot be sorted and are manually removed, with the whole bag sent to landfill. Put your recyclables into your bin loose.

Items that cannot go in your recycling bin may still be recyclable. Items such as mobile phones, printer cartridges, televisions, computers, whitegoods, paint and more may be able to be dropped off at a recycling depot.

Check your local area or google recycling in your local area.

The Power of Imperfection

4. November 2024 Mayfair (0)

Embracing the ‘good enough’ approach to exercise

The jury is in on exercise.

It is good for your brain, mood and body. But knowing that does not necessarily make it easy to get started. There are a few reasons for this. The ‘too boring’, ‘too tired’, ‘no time’ excuses can keep you stuck on the couch. One effective way to overcome these obstacles is to embrace a ‘better than nothing” approach.

Sociologist Christine Carter’s TED talk, ‘Confessions of a bad exercise’ highlights how willing to be bad at something can get you out of your rut and moving towards your goals.

Carter talks about how her pandemic plan to train for a marathon fell apart within the first two weeks, despite a colour coded exercise plan and all the good intentions in the world. When she shifted to accept one minute a day of running as ‘good enough’, she found she could easily get out each day for one minute. And slowly it felt more natural to keep running after the one minute than to stop.

Carter says that when you allow yourself start without being perfect, you form neural pathways (connections between your brain cells) for the habit. Over time it will become ‘hardwired’ and you would not be relying on motivation and willpower as much.

This idea of starting small and building up is shared across other fitness and wellbeing experts. Personal trainer Lauren Parsons talks about ‘snacking on exercise’. She found that the number one excuse people had for not starting an exercise program was they did not have enough time. She points out that you can find time to brush your teeth twice a day, you can find four minutes to do some exercise. Parsons says something as simple as doing push-ups on the kitchen bench while waiting for the kettle to boil is a great start.


As your confidence and momentum grows, generally you want to build up to about half an hour a day of exercise, five days a week. It does not have to be all in one session, you can split it into three 10-minute stints. Perhaps you will do longer on the weekends when your work demands are not so high. The key is small, sustainable steps.

So embrace being ‘good enough’ and get out there!