Be Kind to Your Mind: The Magic of Self-Compassion

We all know the mean inner voice that runs commentary on our daily activities. “You don’t know what you’re doing”. “Just get on with it!” “No one else is finding this hard”. We are far more unkind to ourselves than we ever would be to a friend or colleague.

Criticising yourself when you are finding things difficult makes it harder to solve problems or get yourself out of a messy situation. Your stress levels go up, your ability to think creatively goes down. You can get stuck in a cycle of struggle. There is a growing body of evidence that one highly effective way to shift this struggle is through self-compassion.

Dr Kristen Neff, one of the world’s leading experts on self-compassion has this insight: “Self-compassion is the ability to notice our own suffering and to be moved by it, making us want to actively do something to alleviate our own suffering.”


Self-compassion has three parts:

1. Mindfulness. Notice your experience or your thoughts without judgement: ‘I’m having a hard time with this’.

2. Self-kindness. Treat yourself as you would a friend.

3. Common humanity rather than isolation. Embrace imperfection as part of the human experience and understand that your suffering is shared by others.

Self-compassion is not self-pity, or selfish. It would not make you stop ‘trying’. It does, however, allow you to respond kindly to yourself in moments of difficulty. Self-compassion increases your ability to meet challenges and has been shown to increase physical and mental wellbeing, create a sense of safety in the workplace, and increase your sense of purpose and meaning.

Think of switching from an inner critic to a coach and see how it helps you rise to the challenge rather than becoming paralysed by self-doubt.

Self-compassion is simple to learn. One of the best things about it is that you can access it in the moment; you do not have to set aside time each day to ‘work at it’. There are several steps to increase your access to self-compassion.

1. Physical touch.

This might be as simple as placing your hand on your opposite forearm in a signal of care. Feel the warmth of your hand. You could bring your right hand to your heart. Gentle touch coupled with a mindful statement ‘wow, this is tough’ can have a powerful calming effect.

2. Get to know your emotions.

Often, we are not that great at knowing how we feel. Start to explore the language of feelings. Instead of stopping at ‘I’m angry’, see if you can sense what might be underlying that. Maybe you are frustrated or embarrassed or even sad. Growing your self-awareness is an important skill.

3. Practise mindfulness.

Check in on your inner experience. Note your thoughts without judging them or yourself.

Dr Mark Leary, professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University concludes, “Just about every measure of psychological well-being we have seems to be associated with self-compassion.” You cannot argue with science!

 

Dr Tra Brach, psychologist and mediation teacher, shares an easy to remember tool for mindfulness and compassion: RAIN

Recognise what is happening

Allow the experience to be there, just as it is

Investigate with interest and care

Nurture with self-compassion

This can help you move from feeling stuck to a state of feeling safe and secure.

What Can’t I Put In My Recycle Bin?

Most if us love to recycle, but many of us ‘wish cycle’, that is we think something should be recycled so put it in our kerbside bin anyway, says Planet Ark. Although well intentioned, this behaviour causes contamination.


When a nonrecyclable is mixed in with recyclable items, it affects the recycler’s ability to recycle any of the batch, leading to more materials going to landfill. If in doubt, leave it out of your recycling bin.

These items do not belong in the recycling bin, says Planet Ark, but are frequently found there. This does not mean some of them cannot be recycled elsewhere, just not in the kerbside bin:

  • soft plastics (like bread bags and bubble wrap)
  • food waste
  • food containers with food in them
  • crockery
  • nappies
  • clothes/fabric
  • polystyrene
  • CDs/DVDs/videos
  • window/drink glass
  • batteries
  • mobile phones
  • paper towels

And do not put your recyclables into a plastic bag. They cannot be sorted and are manually removed, with the whole bag sent to landfill. Put your recyclables into your bin loose.

Items that cannot go in your recycling bin may still be recyclable. Items such as mobile phones, printer cartridges, televisions, computers, whitegoods, paint and more may be able to be dropped off at a recycling depot.

Check your local area or google recycling in your local area.

The Power of Imperfection

Embracing the ‘good enough’ approach to exercise

The jury is in on exercise.

It is good for your brain, mood and body. But knowing that does not necessarily make it easy to get started. There are a few reasons for this. The ‘too boring’, ‘too tired’, ‘no time’ excuses can keep you stuck on the couch. One effective way to overcome these obstacles is to embrace a ‘better than nothing” approach.

Sociologist Christine Carter’s TED talk, ‘Confessions of a bad exercise’ highlights how willing to be bad at something can get you out of your rut and moving towards your goals.

Carter talks about how her pandemic plan to train for a marathon fell apart within the first two weeks, despite a colour coded exercise plan and all the good intentions in the world. When she shifted to accept one minute a day of running as ‘good enough’, she found she could easily get out each day for one minute. And slowly it felt more natural to keep running after the one minute than to stop.

Carter says that when you allow yourself start without being perfect, you form neural pathways (connections between your brain cells) for the habit. Over time it will become ‘hardwired’ and you would not be relying on motivation and willpower as much.

This idea of starting small and building up is shared across other fitness and wellbeing experts. Personal trainer Lauren Parsons talks about ‘snacking on exercise’. She found that the number one excuse people had for not starting an exercise program was they did not have enough time. She points out that you can find time to brush your teeth twice a day, you can find four minutes to do some exercise. Parsons says something as simple as doing push-ups on the kitchen bench while waiting for the kettle to boil is a great start.


As your confidence and momentum grows, generally you want to build up to about half an hour a day of exercise, five days a week. It does not have to be all in one session, you can split it into three 10-minute stints. Perhaps you will do longer on the weekends when your work demands are not so high. The key is small, sustainable steps.

So embrace being ‘good enough’ and get out there!

Frozen Spinach

There is no beating fresh spinach for a quick salad or a lightly steamed side dish with lemon, olive oil and garlic. But when it comes to a versatile, convenient freezer staple, you cannot go past a pack of frozen spinach.


Like its fresh counterpart, frozen spinach is a nutrition powerhouse, providing essential vitamins and minerals, fibre and phytochemicals such as eye-protecting lutein and zeaxanthin. But because it has less water content (frozen spinach is cooked first), cup for cup it has more than four times the amount of nutrients than fresh, including iron, vitamin C and calcium.

And the older fresh spinach gets (after transportation and sitting in your fridge for a week) the lower its folate content, so that frozen spinach becomes the better source. Folate is a B vitamin that is important for producing and maintaining new cells in the body, and a deficiency in pregnant women can lead to birth defects such as spina bifida.

Before using, defrost frozen spinach and squeeze out excess water. Then add it to any recipe that calls for leafy greens such as fritter batters, smoothies, soups, stews, rice dishes and as a layer in your favourite lasagne or pie.

Note: If you are on blood-thinning medication such as warfarin, be aware that spinach is a source of vitamin K. Check with your GP before making any significant changes to your diet.

Safety is Everyone’s Business

You probably know that your employer has a responsibility to keep you safe at work, but do you know your responsibilities at work?

As an employee or contractor, you have specific work health and safety (WHS) duties.

Most areas will have a version of an Occupational Health and Safety Act. In general, these will suggest that you must:

  • take reasonable care for your own health and safety
  • take reasonable care for the health and safety of others who may be affected by their acts or omissions
  • cooperate with anything the employer does to comply with OHS requirements
  • not ‘intentionally or recklessly interfere with or misuse’ anything provided at the workplace for OHS.

It is important to note that health and safety has updated its definition in many places to include psychological health and safety and psychosocial hazards, that is, your mental and emotional health.

This means that while your employer is responsible for not putting you at risk of psychosocial hazards, you are also responsible for managing your own risk, and letting people know when your health and safety is at risk.

A psychosocial hazard is anything that could cause psychological harm. Common psychosocial hazards at work include:

  • job demands
  • low job control
  • poor support
  • lack of role clarity
  • poor organisation change management
  • inadequate reward and recognition
  • traumatic events or material
  • remote or isolated work
  • poor physical environment
  • violence and aggression
  • bullying
  • harassment, including sexual and gender-based harassment, and
  • conflict or poor workplace relationships and interactions.

Remember, you are not acting alone. Your employer is responsible for providing and maintaining a working environment that is safe and without risk to health, but you still have a legal responsibility to take care of yourself and not do anything that would affect the health and safety of others at work.

This means that you do have the right to refuse to do unsafe work. If asked to do something that you think may be unsafe, either physically or mentally, stop and talk to your supervisor or HR.

 

Reckless endangerment

Everyone also has a responsibility around reckless endangerment. In general, a person who, without lawful excuse recklessly engages in conduct that places or may place another person who is at a workplace in danger of serious injury is guilty of reckless endangerment. In some areas, reckless endangerment is an indicatable offence, which can incur a fine or even imprisonment.

Reckless endangerment applies to everyone – an employer, a worker, a designer, manufacturer, supplier or installer, even a member of the public.

What to Do When You Really Do Not Want To

We have all experienced it. You know you need to do that thing, but you just cannot seem to make yourself. Yelling at yourself to pull yourself together is not working, nor is reminding yourself of all the terrible things that could happen if you do not do it. So you sit there, frozen, or you distract yourself with tasks that do not matter.


Fortunately, there are proven strategies that build your motivation overall, and techniques that help you find that silver of motivation when it all feels too hard.

We have gathered four strategies from leading motivation experts: Dr Julie Smith, Dr Aleyet Fishbach, Daniel Pink and Scott Geller.

1. “Just do it”

Do not wait for motivation to strike. Act first, then motivation will follow. This is the advice of clinical psychologist, social media star and author of Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?, Dr Julie Smith.

She says when we take action on something that is important to us, it generates energy and motivation.

Dr Smith suggests you start by taking small steps towards your bigger goal, and celebrate your small achievements to encourage yourself to keep going.

2. Reward yourself

When you are low on motivation, you are often low on intrinsic motivation – that is the type that comes from within you, and is built or broken by your goals, values and sense of self. In these cases, you can ramp up the extrinsic motivation – things outside yourself, like praise or tangible rewards.

Dr Aleyet Fishbach, Professor of Behavioural Science and Marketing at the University of Chicago, Booth School of Business, and the author of GET IT DONE: Surprising Lessons from the Science of Motivation, has won international awards for her research on human motivation. She suggests that when you are facing a lack of motivation, focus on anything enjoyable. This can include remembering one element of your work that you do find enjoyable, or taking time to visualise the enjoyable outcome you will get, or making the process more enjoyable, such as listening to music while you do it.

Then, reward yourself for getting the job done well. Dr Fishbach advises against rewarding yourself for getting it done quickly, as this may lead to mistakes and reduced motivation down the line.

3. Clarify your purpose

Daniel Pink is the author of Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us.

He says the “carrot and stick” approach to motivation, as in external reward and punishment, is ineffective. It only works for small, basic tasks and does not inspire creativity, engagement, and high performance in complex, cognitive work.

Pink says we need to focus on intrinsic factors such as autonomy, mastery, and purpose.

  • Autonomy: we are in control of what we do and how we do it
  • Mastery: we are improving our skills and selves
  • Purpose: we are working towards something that is worthwhile

Purpose is one of the most powerful factors of motivation, says Pink.

He defines purpose as the desire to contribute to something greater than yourself.

That is why organisations who can communicate a shared mission and vision with their employees are more successful than others.

The Genius of Gentle Movement

What if we did not have to hammer our bodies to improve our health? What if slow, gentle movements could build healthy tissue, increase resilience and immunity and reduce stress?

Gentle yoga, also called restorative yoga or somatic yoga, goes against what many of us have been taught over the years. We have learned we need to do rigorous activity, boost our heart rate and our breathing, lift weights until we feel the burn.

So when we hear that slow, easy movements can be good for us, it is natural to be sceptical. However, evidence is growing that somatic or restorative yoga has far more benefits than first thought.

 

The proven benefits of yoga

There are dozens of rigorous scientific studies which prove the health benefits of yoga overall.

Studies have shown that different types of yoga can:

  • reduce stress and relieve anxiety: A 2018 study found that yoga may be effective as an alternative treatment for anxiety disorders.
  • help manage depression: A 2017 meta-analysis of 23 interventions concluded that yoga can be considered an effective alternative treatment for major depressive disorder.
  • reduce inflammation: A review of 15 research studies found yoga of various styles reduced the biochemical markers of inflammation across several chronic conditions.
  • boost immunity: Studies have found a distinct link between consistently practising yoga and a better immune system.
  • improve sleep: Including how quickly you fall asleep and how deeply you stay asleep.
  • stimulate brain function: A review of 34 research studies found yoga activates areas of the brain responsible for motivation, executive functioning, attention, and neuroplasticity.

Yet too often, these benefits are associated with the more performative types of yoga seen on social media: the strong head stands, the lifts, the stunning feats of strength or flexibility.

Restorative yoga offers many benefits, without the struggle. You are even encouraged to use the blankets and bolsters to make sure you are completely comfortable.

 

What is restorative yoga?

Restorative yoga involves holding a position, or a mild stretch, for a long time, often five minutes or more, while breathing deeply.

It is shown to activate your body’s relaxation response, which slows your breathing, reduces blood pressure and can produce a feeling of calm and increased well-being.

This kind of movement also activates your parasympathetic nervous system – the side of your nervous system that helps you relax and heal after periods of stress or danger.

It is designed to encourage complete physical, mental and emotional relaxation.

 

Try this restorative Child’s Pose

This classic Child’s Pose gently stretches your spine while soothing your mind. These instructions are by Brett Larkin and you can find more here:

brettlarkin.com/restorative-yoga-poses

This pose can be done on a mat or towel on the floor, or even on your bed before you go to sleep.


Step 1: Begin on your hands and knees. Open your knees hip-distance or wider.

Step 2: Bring your buttocks towards your heels and reach your arms forward, bringing your head to the floor.

Step 3: Your hands can either rest down by your feet or stack them like a pillow under your forehead.

Step 4: Rest here for up to 5 minutes.

Variations: Place a bolster lengthways in between your thighs and drape your torso and head into the bolster. Turn your head to one side to relax your neck.

1 Thing You Can Do Today

Go for a walk with your camera


In today’s fast-paced world, it can be hard to slow down, let alone smell the roses. But there is a powerful tool in your pocket that might help you create a sense of space in your daily routine.

You know that mindfulness is good for you, as is walking. Grabbing your camera and going for a walk combines the two with some impressive benefits. The positive effects of photography on mental health have become increasingly understood.

Heading out for a walk with your camera pushes you to observe your surroundings in a new and intentional way. Your curiosity and creativity are stimulated by considering the stories you can tell, what angles, light or subject matter you can choose. Your focus is drawn to small details you would otherwise pass by without noticing.

Nottingham University lecturer and researcher Lucian Milasan describes the joy of looking for that magic: ‘Taking pictures is like treasure hunting’.

Photography is an unexpected mindfulness tool you can add easily into your day. With smart phone cameras readily accessible, there is no excuse to miss capturing that unexpected angle or moment of beauty.

Eat Smarter

Tea

Sad? Glad? Mad? Put on the kettle and make a cup of tea.


In good times and bad, tea is often the go-to, but what exactly does it do for our wellbeing?

All tea comes from the same plant, “Camellia sinensis’. Tea leaves go through various processes including fermenting and drying to create the unique characteristics of your favourite brew.

Black tea is the most fermented compared with white, green and oolong teas.

The fermentation process gives each tea distinct levels of protective plant compounds called polyphenols. It is the polyphenols that are responsible for many of the health benefits of tea.

Polyphenols are thought to potentially reduce the risk of heart disease, with one study showing beneficial effects on both cholesterol and blood sugar levels. Polyphenols are also believed to reduce the risk of type 2 diabetes and cancer due to their antioxidant effects.

Drinking tea may help reduce blood pressure. Compounds in tea increase levels of nitrous oxide, a chemical that helps relax blood vessel walls.

Tea also contains a compound called I-theanine which has been shown to increase alpha waves in the brain. This may be responsible for reducing stress and anxiety. It is thought that the combination of I-theanine and caffeine in tea helps improve people’s focus and concentration.

If you are sensitive to caffeine or pregnant, then watching the amount of tea you drink is wise. Otherwise, three to four cups a day is thought to be beneficial when part of a balanced diet.

Beware of adding too much sugar or milk though as that may reduce some of the health benefits of your favourite cuppa!

Why The World Needs Highly Sensitive People

In a society that oftens feels geared toward achievement or success, sensitivity can seem like a weakness. People often associate sensitivity with someone who is fragile or easily overwhelmed. You may have been told to ‘stop being so sensitive’ or ‘toughen up to get on with it’. But research is showing that sensitivity may in fact be one of your strongest assets.

Psychologist Elaine Aaron first coined the phrase ‘highly sensitive person’, or HSP in the late 1990s. She explained that a highly sensitive person is someone who feels and sees things in a more intense way than their peers; as though the colour has been turned up in their life.


Being an HSP is not a diagnosis or an illness, instead you can think of it as a personality trait. Aaron suggested that around 15-20 per cent of the population fell into this group and interestingly, although sensitivity is often seen as a female trait, there are just as many male HSPs as female.

Research over the last 20 years has shown that there is likely a genetic component to being HSP, as well as childhood experiences that impact how those traits may develop. Functional MRI studies have shown that HSPs have significant differences in the parts of the brain that involve empathy, awareness, attention and action planning.

This gives a really good clue that HSP is not just about being ‘overly emotional’.


The benefits of being highly sensitive

We know that HSPs not only take in more information, often seeing things that others miss, but they process that information more deeply as well. HSPs often have highly developed intuition. When combined with their ability for complex analysis, this intuition can result in new and different perspectives on issues. HSPs are often very creative; both in the conventional ‘art’ sense, but also in problem solving or innovation. These are spaces where highly sensitive people can shine.

Highly sensitive people are also finely attuned to the people around them. They often connect with others easily and are typically deeply kind. While this is a strength, it can also be a bit of a downfall.

HSPs run the risk of burnout. Aaron counsels HSPs to be mindful of setting boundaries to protect their energy, and reminds them to turn their innate kindness inwards and develop strong self-compassion practices.

Perhaps because of their sensitivity and tendency to think deeply about things, HSPs also have a very strong sense of fairness and justice and will often be the ones to try and ease the pain of others; to right the wrongs they see in the world.

Society needs highly sensitive people. Their attention to detail, their compassion, creativity, their intuition and seeking of meaning. It is time we retire the phrase ‘stop being so sensitive’ and embrace it!