Yet for many of us, these ways of thinking are making us miserable.

You probably do not realise you are doing it. But chances are that at some point today, you have had thoughts or made assumptions that are deeply unhelpful – and probably incorrect.

You are not alone. It turns out many of us share the same unhelpful thinking styles. Here we outline the four most common patterns, with advice from a clinical psychologist on how to overcome them.

• All-or-nothing thinking

Also called black-white thinking, this thinking style only allows one extreme or another, with nothing in between. You are either good or bad, perfect or a failure. You do not allow yourself the compassion to see yourself as a flawed but wonderful human.

Clinical Psychologist Dr Gemma Healey advises: “Try catching these thoughts and saying ‘Ah, there’s the ‘I‘m not good enough’ story’, or ‘Ah, there’s the I’m a failure story’.”

• Catastrophising

When you take a small problem and imagine the worst outcome possible, you are catastrophising. You might make a mistake in your job, and then imagine that you will lose your job, lose your home and lose your family because of your failure.

Dr Healey says: try allowing your thoughts to come and go on their own without hooking into them. You can do this by imagining your thoughts as leaves floating by on a stream, as cars travelling on the freeway, or as clouds floating in the sky.

• Shoulding and musting

Whenever you notice yourself saying “should” or “must”, it is a sign you could be setting yourself unfair expectations.

While sometimes it can be helpful, such as “I should wear safety equipment for this job”, it is more usually associated with blame and guilt. “I should be less emotional”, or “I should not eat so much.”

Dr Healey says: “When you notice yourself should-ing or must-ing try and bring some flexibility into the rule by softening it to something like “It would be nice if…”, or ”I would prefer it if…”.”

• Overgeneralising

If you have even grabbed onto one negative thing that happened in the past, and assumed it will always keep happening over and over, you are overgeneralising. It is the classic, “this always happens to me” type of thinking, similar to “I never get things right”, or “people always misunderstand me”. Words like “always” and “never” are strong clues.

Dr Healey’s advice is to notice and challenge the thought. Ask yourself, “Is it true that I never…? Can I think of situations where this has not applied?”

How to catch your thoughts

The problem with thought patterns like unhelpful thinking is that we often do not realise we are doing it.

The key to overcoming unhelpful thinking is to start to tune in and notice the thoughts. This takes practice.

Each day, take 5-10 minutes to practice noticing your thoughts. Go somewhere you will not be disturbed and take some deep breaths to quieten your mind.

Then start noticing the thoughts that go through your mind. Try not to judge them or get caught up in them. Simply notice. Then you can start to recognise some of the styles listed here.

This helps you separate yourself from negative thoughts, so you have more choice in how you respond to each thought.

Why do we compare ourselves?

Comparison starts out as a positive technique.

Looking at what other people do has been essential to our survival. As children, we learnt by observing those around us. And hundreds of thousands of years ago, our ancestors learnt how to avoid danger by watching who survived, why and how.

Yet too often, we turn it from a positive into a debilitating negative.

Social media does not help. We see everyone’s highlights reel – the best moments of their holiday, the most stylist shots of their loungeroom, their children’s achievements – and we compare it to the worst of our lives. As the saying goes, you are comparing your insides to everyone else’s outsides.

Social Comparison Theory is a psychological theory that says there are two kinds of comparison:

1. Upwards: we compare ourselves to those we think are better than us.

2. Downwards: we compare ourselves to those we think are worse than us, to try to make ourselves feel better.

How to manage it

In her book, Comparisonitis, author and podcaster Melissa Ambrosini provides a four-step formula for freeing yourself from the cycle of negative comparison. She uses the acronym ACES.

• A is for awareness: become aware that you are comparing. Sometimes you might notice the feeling, before you realise what you are thinking.
• C is for choose: choose a different path. Ask yourself, what do you want to feel instead? You do not have to get stuck in the feelings of unworthiness.
• E is for eliminate, or exit or exhale: eliminate the trigger that caused your spiral into comparison. If it was Instagram for example, then log out and move onto something else. It is not about avoiding difficult situations or feelings, but instead noticing them and managing them.
• S is for shift your state: take action to change your energy. Get up and do something that lifts your spirits, such as dancing or listening to upbeat music.

How to use comparison as a gift

Ontological Coach and founder of Being, the Change, Chyonne Kreltszheim, suggests that the process of comparing yourself to others can be turned into a power for good.

She says, “The gift of comparisonitis is that it tells us what is important to us. It is a marker of our needs, values and priorities. It is like a signal being sent up from the depths of our subconscious mind to remind us that something we care about is at stake.”

The trick, she says, is to stay curious and ask questions so we can learn from the feelings, and not get caught up in them.

For example, if you are feeling unsettled by a friend’s recent promotion, ask yourself, “Why is this bothering me?”

If it is highlighting your own frustration in your current role, you could use it as motivation to take your job to the next level.

“Use the comparisonitis to find out what you really want and invest your energy in moving towards that,” says Kreltszheim.

Is iron deficiency the same as anaemia?

“Iron deficiency is not a black and white thing. It develops in stages with anaemia being the final result.” Says Dr Crowe. Anaemia is when your blood lacks adequate healthy red blood cells, and you can be low in iron but not yet have anaemia. Blood tests ordered by your doctor can tell you what stage you are at.

Do not be tempted to take an iron supplement ‘just in case’ unless your doctor recommends it, as they can cause side effects and can be toxic in high doses.

Do I have to eat meat to get enough iron?

You are less likely to be low in iron if you eat meat because the iron in animal foods is more easily absorbed by our bodies. Liver is the richest source, followed by red meat (lamb, beef and kangaroo), then pork, chicken, shellfish, fish and eggs.

Plants contain iron too, just in a form not so well absorbed. But you can increase how much you absorb by including a source of vitamin C with a plant-based meal. This might be a glass of orange juice, a salad of raw tomatoes and red capsicum, or fruit such as kiwifruit, citrus fruit or berries.

Good plant sources of iron include nuts, dried fruit, legumes and tofu, and dark leafy green vegetables.

A product that is 100 per cent peanuts has many nutrition benefits:

• Protein. Peanuts are a legume (like beans, peas and lentils) and so are protein rich.
• Fibre. Peanut butter has 1.8g fibre in a tablespoon.
• Heart-healthy fats. Half the fat in peanut butter is made up of oleic acid, a healthy type of monounsaturated fat.
• Vitamins and minerals. Vitamins E, B6 and B3, folate, magnesium, copper and manganese, and heart-healthy polyphenols.

But peanut butter is not always just peanuts, found researchers from consumer advocacy group Choice. They tested peanut butters on offer in supermarkets and found many contain added sugar and salt. The amount varies, so it pays to read the label. If the product is not 100 per cent peanuts, look further. Some contain both sugar and salt, while others just a pinch of salt.

Some “light” varieties have 25 per cent less fat, but Choice warns that the trade-off is a product that is about 25 per cent less peanuts and padded out with a type of starch typically used as a thickener or filler.

If it is important to you, you might also want to check if you can buy peanut butter made from local ingredients.

- Go to a playground. This one is more fun with a friend. Go to a kids’ playground and play on the equipment. Try the monkey bars, go up and down the slide as many times as you can. (Tip: better to do when playgrounds are emptier, such as toddler dinnertime, and make sure the equipment can hold your weight!)

- Birding. It is walking – with a purpose. Go for a walk or hike and look for birds. You could use an app such as Merlin Bird ID, or just write it in a notebook. Or if birds are not your thing, look for particular cars, or bikes or a random focus such as unique letterboxes or street art.

Do we need to ban the beans?

According to Tuffs Health & Nutrition letter, there is no evidence that antinutrients in commonly consumed foods lead to mineral deficiencies. It says that a varied diet should give us plenty of minerals, and the small percentage we cannot absorb because they are bound to antinutrients should not be a problem.

If you eliminated or reduced the foods that contain antinutrients you would lose vital sources of dietary fibre, vitamins including A, C, E, B group, K and E, minerals healthy fats, phytochemicals, and antioxidants like lutein and zeaxanthin. The health benefits of a diet rich in plant foods far outweighs the minerals lost through antinutrients.

The benefits of antinutrients

Many antinutrients, rather than something to avoid, are now even considered health-promoting, says Jill Joyce, Assistant Professor of Public Health Nutrition at Oklahoma State University. Writing in the Conversation, Professor Joyce says that the most frequently eaten antinutrients can support the immune system, lower the risk of cancer, type 2 diabetes and cardiovascular disease, inhibit the growth of bacteria and fungi, and may decrease cholesterol levels and blood pressure.

This does not mean you should never give them a second thought. If you are at risk of a disease related to mineral deficiencies, such as osteoporosis with calcium deficiency or anaemia with iron deficiency, speak to an Accredited Practising Dietitian for advice on how to monitor your food choices for antinutrient content.

Can we reduce antinutrients?

Soaking, boiling or other high-heat processes remove many antinutrients, and in some cases, such as certain lectins, it is essential that we destroy them.

Boiling beans for at least 10 mins inactivates the lectins, as does the canning process. Be warned that cooking in a slow cooker without first boiling for 10 minutes will not destroy the lectins.

How to floss

1. Take approximately 30-45cm of floss and wind it around your middle fingers on each hand. Hold the floss so that the string is tight and use your thumbs and index fingers to control it.

2. Gently slide the dental floss between the teeth.

3. Use a gentle up and down motion to rub the floss along the side of each tooth. The floss will be able to go slightly under the gums to remove the plaque from this area also.

4. Remove the used floss and then move on to the next space using a new section of floss or rinsing the string on a flossette under running water.

We need to learn new techniques, such as how to make eye contact on a video call.

“The brain wants to look at the face [on the screen]” says Ridell, “but you have to learn to look in the camera when it is your turn to speak.”

Yet at the same time, the usual rules of respect for others’ time still applies. When someone is talking, show you are listening. Lean in rather than slouch back, smile when someone makes a joke, nod encouragingly when someone tries to explain something.

Communication via writing

Do you end a text to colleagues with a full stop? It might be seen as aggressive.

And how about exclamation marks? Do they show enthusiasm? Or desperation?

The tiny nuances of how we communicate via text, chat and email can take on great significance.

According to the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the tone of our emails is misinterpreted 50 per cent of the time.

You cannot control how others interpret your punctuation and emojis, but you can apply the basic rules of respect – even when you are busy. Think about the impact of how long you take to respond to someone. Too long and it can feel like you do not value them. Too fast and it can seem you are not putting thought into it.

Gratitude and appreciation are still vital. Take the time to thank people, sincerely and in your own words, for their contribution. You cannot pop into their office at the end of the day to thank them, but you can send an email or message at the end of the day to acknowledge their work, before logging off for the evening.

Some avid readers dismiss audiobooks, saying they are just not as good as the real deal (and they mean the proper, paper kind).

But to our brains, there is little difference, says Discover magazine.

“In a study published in the Journal of Neuroscience, researchers from the Gallant Lab at UC Berkeley scanned the brains of nine participants while they read and listened… Looking at the brain scans, the researchers saw that the stories stimulated the same cognitive and emotional areas, regardless of their medium.”

Psychology Today also points out the many ways listening to novels and non-fiction can help us to become not only better read, but also improve our mental health too. If you are prone to anxiety or depression it can be hard to focus enough to read. But listening to someone else read aloud can help replace your daily worries and negative thoughts with something else. As an extra boost to your mental health, you can take your audiobook with you on a walk.

Another bonus of audiobooks? They help relax your overworked eyes and take you off screens. Too long spent looking at screens can lead to eyestrain and long-term vision problems like myopia. Ditch the screen at the end of the day and curl up with an audiobook instead.